I Do Not ♥ Trolls

I have been running a dozen Craigslist ads in cities within a 200 mile radius of the Indianapolis University Hospital Transplant Center since January, 2018. I have "met" scores of lovely, generous people via phone, text and email who want to help me . So far, none have been the right match.

I just renewed my ads again after letting them all expire.

I hate to admit it, but I was exhausted.

I knew there would be people wanting money. I knew the illegality of organ selling would not deter everyone.  

"Good morning. I will sell you my kidney for a beautiful 3 bedroom Cape Cod home and Worthington Ohio. I have two teenage children and we need a home! I have Medicaid. Very healthy." (Deedee M.)

Dear Deedee:  Breaking federal law notwithstanding, I cannot afford to buy you a beautiful 3 bedroom Cape Cod home and I don't think Worthington, Ohio is still for sale.

I knew there would be people from foreign countries searching for a way to come to the US. This usually involved money or just help with papers.

I did not know there would be trolls.

Fairy tale trolls live under bridges and terrorize Billy goats and small children. 

Internet trolls try to terrorize strangers. They do not have enough to do. Their psychosis is insecurity and they believe they are hysterically funny. Troll behavior probably makes them feel better about their miserable little selves. It probably does not help the halitosis. The joke is on them.

I do not care why they are the way they are.

I offer a small sampling of trollmail:

"can  i  have  you  for  my  life  mate"  (Bradley N.) 

Sure, Brad. 'Need a kidney donor' is code for 'my life's goal is to marry a stranger.

'"if i could do that for you could we be fwbs micheal here"  (Micheal S.)

You are a genius, Micheal! How did you know 'Need a kidney donor' is code for 'I want to have sex with a stranger?'  Sorry you have to go through life with a misspelled first name.

"Wrong area code. Not even from this state"  (Rex C.)

Your nickname is Sherlock, right? OMG! You caught me! There is no way I could have kept my Missouri cellphone number when I moved to Indiana. At least I don't have to go through life with a dog's name.

"just die your old and ready to go don`t put someone through all the pain just for you fucking people just die"  (Frank J.)

Frankie, Dear: Your apparent punctuation phobia, confusion about contractions and placing  the singular and plural in the same run-on sentence fragment is adorable. Telling me to die is precious. Back at ya.

I feel much better now. Trolling IS entertaining!  

Of course I never sent any of these replies, but I like pretending that I did.

Cheers!

♥